5 reasons why my body will never look like Channing Tatum’s

Have you ever had that unrealistic fantasy of looking like a particular celebrity? I’m ashamed to admit it but I certainly did. Growing up, I remember going through phases. Before I started schooling, I wanted to be like Arthur (the cartoon) because I could relate to his antics with DW (like my sister) and having a nutjob teacher (Mr.Ratburn). When I was in primary school I recall wishing I could be the fourth brother in the band, Hanson….Throughout high school this changed from Sports stars, TV show actors to someone more mainstream. The main theme during the later years was the muscular and buff bodies these well known figures possessed.

Many of my female friends are HUGE fans of Channing Tatum and I think they actually died a little when Magic Mike came out. As much as I would LOVE to have a body like Channing Tatum, I’ve come to the realisation that it is near impossible…here are the top 5 reasons why. 

1. Lets start with the obvious. 

I ain’t no white boy. I’m Latte.

Just FYI I'm on the right! ;)
Just FYI I’m on the right! 😉

2. According to People Magazine, Channing trains for three hours a day and followed a gluten free and dairy free diet.

Picture Source
Picture Source

Let’s dissect this. ‘According to People Magazine’…. So in essence, Channing Tatum probably had a trainer for about an hour a day, 5 days a week and had a diet full of good, nutritious food, fulfilling all food groups.

If however, this is not the case. No deal. I need my yogurt, cheese and all things casein!

3. For Magic Mike, Channing started his mornings with a H.I.I.T (high Intensity Interval Training) session and alternates every other day with full body workouts.

Image source
Picture source

Firstly, this completely contradicts what People Magazine said.

Secondly, any more than 2 H.I.I.T sessions a week and I’m as capable as Rob Kardashian.

Thirdly, I was secretly hoping this would be the best excuse to use a pole and get away with it.

4. Channing Tatum spends multiple minutes per day planking to work on his core.

I can’t even plank on a bar let alone ‘multiple minutes.’


5. ‘Channing attributes his body to his 9 month stint as a dancer at an All Male Revue in Tampa when he was 18.’

Image Source
Picture Source

When I was 18, I had a 9 month stint as a slave to World of Warcraft. The only dancing that occurred was the victory one I did in the privacy of my bedroom upon completing a different quest.

So my dreams of looking like Channing Tatum are shattered…..although I’m thankful that it means no more researching him. I don’t think my ego can handle any more shirtless pictures. 

Reference Article Sources- One. Two. Three. Four. Five. 

Is there a celebrity, TV actor or character you wanted to be growing up?

What beverage can you compare your skin complexion to? Give it a few more weeks of pumpkin consumption and I reckon many of you can say Fanta.

There is a purposely made error in this post. Do you know what is is?

And I say hey. HEY! What a ________________________


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67 thoughts on “5 reasons why my body will never look like Channing Tatum’s

  1. HAHAH about being a latte- sounds like an apt description to me! I’m thinking I’m a latte with some cinnamon on top- you know, for the extra sweetness ;)! I won’t lie- Channing Tatum sure is fooo-ine but I’m not sure I’d wanna be with a guy who was dairy- and gluten-free…dates would sure be fun! Although with a 3-hour daily workout, I’m not sure there would be time for dates at all hah!

  2. I think the whole “wishing I had a celebrity body” is the reason behind so much disordered thinking and sets completely unrealistic expectations! Love how you’ve addressed it here!
    Rob is pretty useless, isn’t he? 😉

  3. I’m not saying Channing is ugly by any means, but he’s certainly not the ONLY body type that is attractive! Let Channing be Channing and you be you! (Easier said than done, I know). My skin is most like… someone who puts a wholllllle lot of milk in their coffee. Or maybe chamomile tea with a bunch of milk. Ha! Hey hey what a beautiful day!?!

  4. If somebody has three hours to train in their day, they obviously have a twin who does the rest of their living, because after three hours training you would be rendered useless to perform ANY other tasks!

    My beverage-skin-type is plain milk. Really.
    Whenever I’ve been to a doctor (for anything at all), they ask the same question over and over and over again: Are you usually this pale?
    “For the billionth time … yes”

  5. Hey, what a TWERK! Check back later on IG…
    I am a Chai Latte. in Winter and a (hot > haha – got it?) chocolate in summer, I pick up a suntan very easy and quick, so I definitely look healthier in Summer.
    If that is true that the guy keeps up with 3 hours workouts, then I don’t think I would want to get to know him better – staring at his body would be enough. I mean, where is the fun and enjoyment in daily life if you spend 3 hours at the gym, talking to iron??

  6. “…Secondly, any more than 2 H.I.I.T sessions a week and I’m as capable as Rob Kardashian” <– Ha Ha Ha Ha! You crack me the F up! Please be my Aussie best friend? Oh & btw, go to the States in September because I'll be there again!!

  7. I laughed at the ‘I am on the right’ comment seriously comedy gold my friend!!

    In summer I am more a caramel vanilla milkshake shade in winter more vanilla less caramel!

    I used to idolize Sarah Michelle Gellar, I was a huge Buffy fan 🙂

  8. What are wonderful kind of day! Are you prepared to have your mind blown? My cousin was the voice of DW for a long time!

    Also latte omg. I’m actually obsessed with you. I love how you’re turning all the celebrities on their heads! The truth is they spend copious amounts of hours in the gym to look that way and are PAID for it! I might consider it if I was getting paid, but I’m not looking to give up my life just so that I can look like a skeletor.

    1. ARE YOU FOR REAL. Your cousin must be the good one (for the first few seasons) – I recently watched a recent episode and DW’s voice sucks…its not whiney or annoying anymore.

      I’m only Latte in Winter/Aumtumn- come Summer and I’m an americano with maybe a drop of Milk.

  9. So thank you for making me giggle out loud on the train and get a few questioning looks :-p Considering my paleness, I’d just have to go with straight-up milk for me. Or unsweetened vanilla almond milk, because that sounds even whiter 😉
    I love it when you break down the misrepresentation of celebrity habits like that, it’s always reassuring that a lot of magazines don’t have any idea what they’re talking about, or do slightly terrible research.
    And from a female perspective…I don’t really get the Channing Tatum obsession. Sure, he’s nice to look at, but I don’t think he’s the be-all, end-all of hotness that some women seem to think. Just goes to show you that everyone has different tastes, so even if someone did manage to look like a particular celebrity that still wouldn’t necessarily make them appeal to everyone – might as well focus on being yourself.

    1. Haha, how about SWEETENED almond milk? :p

      Wise words my friend- focus on being myself. I think I’m beginning to accept that, and nothing better than seeing the humour in it. I do wish he did pole dance training..

  10. Well, you’re latte [cracked me up ;)] and I’m milk foam [read: pale as anything]. Though, wait, isn’t milk said to not actually be white? In that case I’d be sorry to say I can’t describe my skin colour as of now BUT as you said I’ll soon be carrot juice – because Fanta is nasty and kabocha juice doesn’t exist [yet?].
    Can we engage you to dismantle any celebrity’s diet and workout regime? That’d make me feel so much better. Even if you’re only working by your own choices: keep those posts coming!

  11. 😆 😆 I have to admit that I like you just the way you are… I mean, I can see Channing’s appeal from an objective perspective, but he’s not really my type — a little too meat-heady for my tastes. He wasn’t even enough to persuade me to see Magic Mike, if that’s saying anything.

    And your error was posting that WoW graphic… I can control my addiction as long as I don’t see any visual representations of it, but now you’ve got me craving a serious gaming session 🙁

  12. Wonderful kind of day, if you can learn to work and play, and get along with each otherrrrr.
    YES! One of my fave shows too. While Channing is a beaut, I’m glad you realized his unattainable feat. Just like I will never look like Jillian Michaels. Dare to dream.

  13. Another great one Arman! As always, I enjoying reading your realistic perspective on things! The answer the first question of your post…yes. And, sometimes I still catch myself saying: “I wish I looked like…” but then I realize that that isn’t realistic and I should be happy with me as I am now!

  14. Won’t lie, I’m a bit of a Channing fan 😉 In all seriousness, you’re right that it’s so pointless to wish we had the body of certain celebrities. If I had a personal trainer, a chef, a life coach, someone to stop me from ordering pizza all the time, and a Photoshop expert, I could totally have Jennifer Aniston’s body. But I have none of those things, and I will definitely never give up pizza!

  15. “I’m as capable as Rob Kardashian.” <— LOL. That was my fav line.

    Wouldn't it be nice to have the effing time to workout for 3 hrs a day with a PT? When I was a kid, I wanted to be a unicorn. I still do, actually.

  16. Listen to your heart! Listen to the beat! Listen to the rhythm, the rhythm of the street! It’s a simple message, and it comes from the heart! If you believe in yourself, well that’s the place to start!

    Gosh I can’t tell you how much I used to love Arthur. I’d probably still like it if I could find it on now! I think I’d be…some kind of hazelnut coffee!

  17. Great post! I think you have a much better look than Channing anyway, just be you. He’s a bit too common/muscle-head looking, IMO. I always wished I looked like Gwen Steffani, but hey, let’s be real – there aren’t a whole lot of similarities between her & I. lol Now, if we’re talking sexy men… let’s talk about her husband, Gavin Rossdale… wow.

    Hmm… thinking I’d be kind of like almond milk – not the whitest, but pretty darn pale. lol

  18. How can he credit his body now to something he did over 10 years ago? Well, I was in soccer, swimming and ballet 10 years ago but this is definitely not the same body that I had when I was nine. Haha.

    I love everyone’s skin color comparisons. How about I be almond milk? Dairy-free. 😉

    I think I like celebrities more for their jobs than their bodies honestly… There isn’t one in particular that I would love to be. I think Jessica Biel is pretty awesome though and I love her commitment to fitness.

  19. “I can’t even plank on a bar let alone ‘multiple minutes.’” <- Bahaha! Love it! right now, with my beta-carotene bingeing, I'd say I closely resemble some apple cider right about now…or at least my hands. It's funny, I actually got to wear shorts today (holla for some 70 degree weather in October!!) and I couldn't believe how white my legs were compared to my hands! Haha!

    Oh Arthur….the memories! Always makes me think of Wishbone too since I always watched them together!

    1. Hahaha, at least it doesn’t look like you dipped your hands in paint when you hold them up. Tanned skin with orange hands- not nice 😛

      I’m tempted to rent out the Arthur boxset (if they have one) and veg out for 5 days reliving my childhood.

  20. Ah yes, the struggle to look like a celebrity or some stylized and photoshopped image of perfection. That’s why I say learn to embrace your flaws and then really focus on the bits and pieces of your body you do love. I have a lovely collarbones and a wonderful neck. I’m also porcelain in nature. Ivory is another way to see it too, and I’m pretty sure I’ll never be anything else, even if I hopped on the pumpkin crazed train.

    1. Very true- embrace our flaws good or bad. At the end of the day, I wouldn’t want to look such a way if I had to go through vigorous means to attain it. Love that- porcelain or ivory. In summer I become Americano with a drop of milk.

  21. this post is freaking hilarious. firstly how have i never tried to plank on a bar?! moving this to the top of my list. secondly, the stint as a WOW player made me LOL. i mean, i had a neopets stint when i was younger. i’m sure it doesn’t compare to britney spears mickey mouse club stint but i digress.
    yeah you really can’t believe what you read about celebrity diets and workouts in magazines. i remember trying to lose weight and being so mad when i’d see a female celeb with a rock-hard body and read a magazine interview where she said she “didn’t do much, just yoga and pilates, plus some hiking”. um, please. nowadays i just look at these female celebs i aspire to look like and remind myself, like you remind yourself here, that i’d probably need to give up some things i love to look like that. no cocktails? no cheese? it’s just not worth it. and yeah, i doubt all you do is hike.

  22. Should I do a 5 Reasons Why I’ll Never Have a Body like Adriana Lima? LOL! I have the biggest crush on Channing Tatum, so I guess it takes a lot of work to be someone’s love 😉

  23. Loved this post.. I came, I read, I was entertained. I feel a deep sense of connection because I also lost some of my life to WOW, damn those addictive games!

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